A Mighty Battle

Yesterday was rough. I’m not really sure why but it just was. We had family in town until yesterday morning and it was non stop activity for several days. Maybe I was exhausted, maybe I didn’t feel good, or maybe I’m just a basket case. Who knows?? What I do know however, is that I was a mess yesterday. I couldn’t help but keep reminding myself of all the things that I am not good at. I’m a terrible cook. I am NOT a super organized, volunteer oriented PTA mom. My house is a wreck most of the time. I’m not great at keeping up with our finances. I put my husband at the bottom of the priority totem pole and now I feel like I can’t grow healthy babies. I couldn’t help but think about all of the things that I should have done differently this pregnancy. Did I drink too much caffeine? Did I take the wrong kind of medication? Should I have eaten better? Talk about a Mack truck of emotion…and that particular truck hit me several times yesterday without warning. Like I said, it was rough. Yesterday was just a “hang on and get through the day in one piece” kind of day. Today I woke up feeling a little better. We have some very dear friends coming over to watch the Clemson game (Go Tigers!) and I had a lot of things on my to-do list to keep me occupied but something still just felt off. I feel melancholy and sad. Disconnected.

 I know that I have mentioned in previous posts about how disconnected I feel with Christ. I just feel alone. A couple of weeks ago one of my precious neighbors brought over a copy of “Jesus Calling.” What an amazing gift during this period in our lives! A daily reminder that He is still there and today  I needed that. I opened my devotion this morning and this is what I found:

“There is a might battle going on for control of your mind. Heaven and earth intersect in your mind; the tugs of both spheres influence your thinking.”

It went on to talk about how there is a constant battle going on for your mind and how a mind that is centered on the Spirit is filled with life and peace and how a mind that is centered on worry and worldly things weighs your down and will “block awareness of My presence.” Worry actually blocks the presence of God.  To worry is to not trust in the Lord. To worry is to sin. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; Romans 8:6.

There was the disconnection. That is where I was severing the presence of God from my life. I was letting the worry of the world win the battle for my mind. I would love to say that I am not going to worry anymore. I am not going to worry about the health of baby girl. I am not going to worry about money and finances. I am not going to worry about my job. Right… I think it is safe to say that the war wages on. The battle for my mind will not quit and worry will try to conquer again but ultimately Christ prevails and I just have to continue to seek Him. You might have to remind me of that every now and then…

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”

Your face, Lord, I will seek.

Psalm 27:8